nothing is real anymore.

You are nothing like him. I thought I would never feel the same way again, but it only took me about 3 months to feel the way it took me to feel the way I did about him in a year. It’s weird. To be honest, I think I’m just being a naive, little, teenage girl. You came back this weekend! I couldn’t believe it! To think it was only 2 weeks, plus that you have spent away from here. I almost think it was a bad thing you came back. Once you left, I told myself that I would never see you again. Which made it easier to believe sense we didn’t even talk. It was like a clean break. To protect my heart. Then you came back. Then you came back. Then you came back. I got off of work, and I knew you were next door. I wanted to look SO pretty when you saw me, but there wasn’t enough time. I straightened my hair BARELY, and tried to fix my makeup, just so I would look decent. I ran to the house, sprinted actually! I didn’t even knock on the garage door like I usually do. Then there you were, sitting down. I’ve never seen you out of you suit before. You wore a white tee, it said ” Back by popular demand”. Your are so charming. Jeans, and tennis shoes. I wanted to run, jump on you and wrap my arms around you! I wanted to cry and tell that i missed you. Instead, I yelled your name, smiled, and hugged you until I knew I had to let go before anyone said anything. You started asking me questions, but I wanted to ask you so many, but I couldn’t think straight. I was just so happy you were sitting across the table from me. I had to leave shortly after that to be my mother designated driver to a party at a friends, that I would hardly even call a friend. I kept pushing back the time I had to leave. “‘I’ll leave at 5:10. Okay. 5:15. 5:30? 6:00!” I had to go home. I missed your sense of humor, your laugh, your smile. I missed how you were so humble, polite, and how you weren’t afraid to be yourself. I miss how you gave me so much faith, and bliss when I was near you, or when you were just in the same room. I knew you were going to church the next day. SO, I got up super early, curled my hair, bought some brand new makeup, ironed my shirt, and my skirt, and wore my pink bow flats. I wanted you to remember me, J U S T L I K E T H A T. Everyone, (especially the older men) kept telling me how beautiful I looked. I was secretly happy you were standing close enough to over hear them. I sit up in the second to first row at church now. You sat next to me. I loved it. You wore sneakers, and I’m pretty sure your “room mates” button up shirt. I couldn’t stop smiling. I know you would never in a billion years show up to church like that unless you absolutely had to. You would never miss church. You only stayed for sacrament, literally. Your flight left at 5. I know that you have had a lot going on in your life lately. So at church, I prayed for you. I prayed that your father and mother would resolve there problems they have been having, and that they would find their way back to the church, and God for support and love, and that you would do the same. I also prayed that you would see your best friend. The one you haven’t seen in over four years. He keeps blowing you off, and I know it really hurts you. I can see it. I also know that your scared. You have been gone from home for two years now, living a completely different life form “normal”. Everythings knew to you again. I prayed that you would see how wonderful you are, and how great your life is going to be. I prayed that God will give you courage, and strength, to take chances and to be strong. I prayed that God would lift you up, and remove the ache, and burden from your heart. I prayed for you to have a safe journey home. But most of all, I prayed for God to bring you back to me. You put your arm around me but only to tap the other amazing gentle men next me. You leaned into me, shook his hand, and I tried to block out what you were going to say next, because it was easily foreshadowed. “I’m taking off.” My stomach sank. We shook hands.. . It was so easy for you, but so hard for me. As you got up and walked out. I felt totally different. It’s indescribable. Goodbye. I don’t even care if I don’t even mean one hundredth of the way I feel about you. You promised me you’ll come back.

  I’ll miss you, a lot. 

I’ll see you in November.
I’ll be waiting Travis.